The Little Cross Dresser That Could
by TheCoolestKids
Summary: Sorry if this offends anyone, we were high at 3 in the morning. The story of The Elephant of Truth vs the Little Cross Dresser


THE LITTLE CROSSDRESSER THAT COULD

By:The Coolest Kids

It was a dark and stormy afternoon when suddenly… a giant elephant came out of the sky. But this was not any ordinary elephant; this elephant was special. Pink and bedazzled with jewels, this was the Elephant of Truth. Otherwise known as the COSMIC ELEPHANT. He was the seerer of the unseen, the knower of the unknown, and well...you get the picture.

As the townspeople saw the Elephant, they gasped. The Elephant visits Earth only when there is corruption and Satan is on the loose. The townspeople wondered aloud, "What did we do wrong?"

And the elephant replied, "You voted for Obama you dumbasses, and now he is just sitting around fucking shit up while you weep here and act like his royal bitches."

"What should we do?" asked the townspeople in dismay whilst Satan ran around starting tickle fights with innocent bystanders.

"There is only one thing we can do…" replied the townspeople leaned forward, eager to hear the Elephant's solution.

Suddenly, an ear-shattering screech was heard throughout the town. The sky opened up, and the town started getting sucked up into the sky.

"This is worse than I ever feared!" shouted the Elephant in a tizzy. The townspeople looked to him with worrisome looks, fearing for their lives.

"What is it?!" one unimportant man shouted to the Elephant as if he was deaf.

"The Elephant Gods angry at your corrupt town! They have decided to suck up this place and start from scratch!" exclaimed the Elephant.

Screeches of children and townspeople being sucked up were heard in every direction. Everyone started to panic. Some hid in their homes while others ran around in circles screaming, as if that would accomplish anything.

"People! Panicking is not the solution!" screamed the Elephant, trying to calm the townspeople. Just then, the hole began to suck things into it one at a time. One man was halfway between the black hole and the ground, the first sacrifice to be made. Instead, he took a screaming boy scout and threw him in the hole in his place. The Elephant gave him a look of both disgust and disapproval.

"You greedy bastard, you'd throw a boy scout into the hole just to live, what? About 3 more minutes?" the Elephant paused in thought and stared up into the sky. The hole was getting smaller!

"Sacrifice the boy scouts and your town shall be saved!" announced the Elephant.

"Boy scouts?" questioned the townspeople.

"Yes! Boy scouts," replied the Elephant.

The towns people stared at the Elephant with wide eyes.

"Do you guys wanna die or what?" the Elephant replied sassily as if he were a black woman.

The townspeople slowly turned around. "BOY SCOUT HUNTDOWN!"

Conveniently, the boy scout jamboree was taking place in the center of town. The townspeople scooped the little boy scouts up two at a time and threw them into the sky, watching them disappear into the darkness.

One little boy named Kurt was dressed in drag and was the hardest of them all to catch. Once all the boy scouts had been tossed into the hole, only the drag queen remained.

Kurt ran around in a shimmering powder pink dress and a pair of sensible shoes which he had received just last week. What he was wearing isn't particularly important, but I thought I'd tell you anyway because this little cross-dresser is the coolest kid on the entire block. Little did the townspeople know, the only reason the Elephant was here was so he could eliminate the coolest kid once for all. This way, _HE_ could reclaim his place as the coolest kid for all eternity.

The Little Crossdresser was still running around. The townspeople ran around and tried to grab at him. Of course, nobody could catch the Little Crossdresser because he was the fastest person in town. Cool kids are naturally fast like a speeding kangaroo who is desperately trying to catch its sneaky baby roo. Baby roos are super speedy you know. Just like Kurt. The Elephant began to get frustrated at the failure of the townspeople.

"He is a little boy wearing a dress! He cannot be that hard to catch!" screamed the Elephant.

Little did the Elephant know, the source of the boys power was his sensible shoes. They gave him the speed of a cheetah, the strength of an ape, and the agility of Satan himself. As Kurt darted about, the sparkles on his powder pink dress flew about, blinding the outraged townspeople. He was simply too cool for school. One could say he made the town 20% cooler with every step he took.

And yet the Elephant had a few tricks up his sleeve, being the Cosmic Elephant and all; he was also known as the Cosmic Trickster 2100. The creature's steely gaze locked on to the fabulous platforms on the boy's feet. The longer he gazed at them, the slower the Little Crossdresser became! Finally, he was at a stand still and the sensible platforms had turned into some snazzy loafers.

"Aw HELL no!" cried the fabulous child. "Loafers are so 2003!"

The Elephant laughed maniacally. He thought he had defeated the Little Cross Dresser. But he was wrong. The Little Crossdresser took out his magic fairy wand that he stored in the boozum of the dress, considering he didn't have a rack. It worked as a nice sort of purse. You could say it was a man purse.

"What the fuck?!" exclaimed the Elephant.

"You can't stop the funk!" sang the Little Crossdresser. And with that, the Elephant was defeated. His large cosmic body imploded because he simply could not handle the funk. The citizens cheered as the bulbous corpse clogged the blackhole, saving the town. They tried to lift the Little Crossdresser up on their shoulders, but Kurt simply popped his hip, snapped his fingers, and flew away with his unicorn pals.

And so kids, we can all learn something here. If the kitchen gets too hot, GET THE FUCK OUT. The funk will destroy you, and Satan will fuck you up in a tickle fight. You better watch out you little freaks.

FIN FUCKING THE END BYE JESUS SAVIOR OUR LORD


End file.
